*sorry for the long title*
We all hate this kind of conversation:
Friend: Hi! You like books, right?
Me: Um, yeah, totally. I mean, absolutely. I breathe and eat —
Friend: Yeah, Can I ask you for some —
Me: Oh, you want recommendations? Yay! Oh, you should read TFIOS, The Unbecoming of —
Friend: About that —
Me: What? You have read TFIOS and loved it?! Oh my god. We need to talk and fangirl about Gus and how —
Friend: *starting to lose her patience* Yes. Actually, can I borrow it?
Me: Oh Friend: Can I borrow it?
Me: What? *pretends not to hear it*
Friend: Your. Book. Tfios. Can. I. Borrow. It?
Me:*smiles* *DEEP INSIDE OH MY GOD WHAT AM I GOING TO DO DEAR GOD*
We are always stunned, speechless, and helpless when it comes to conversation like that. They are like fucking kryptonite. I’m not saying that we are bad or selfish; actually, we are selfish when it comes to books. We are VERY protective, and I mean that in a good way. That’s how I came up with this idea (I don’t know if anyone already came up with this). Btw, these are the some of the conversations I already encountered that’s why I thought of sharing what type of “lender” we are when someone wants to borrow our books. There are 6 types:
1. The I’m-Sorry-I-Did-Not-Hear-You-Oh-Wait-I-Have-To-Go-Because-Busy Type
Friend: Can I borrow it?
Me: What? Sorry did not hear you he-he
Friend: Your book, can I?
Me: Oh, *intentionally looks at phone* about that, I’m sorry, but I have to go. My neighbor’s friend’s cousin’s puppy is sick. Bye-bye *runs immediately*
2. The I’m-Sorry-Someone-Already-Borrowed-It type
Friend: Can I borrow TFIOS?
Me: Oh, I’d love to! But someone already borrowed it.
Friend: Oh, how about Paper Towns?
Me: Sorry! But my cousin already borrowed it.
Friend: Is that so? How about How To Love?
Me: Yeah, but my 2nd cousin already borrowed it.
Friend: Perks? Me: Borrowed. 3rd cousin. Sorry.
Friend: Looking for Alaska?
Me: Borrowed. 5th cousin. Sorry.
Friend: Fifty Shades?
Me: Borrowed. Grandmother. Sorry.
3. The-Spoiler-y type
Friend: So, the TFIOS? Is it good?
Me: Yes! Buy it. Now.
Friend: Oh, can I just borrow it?
Me: Sure, but be ready because you will definitely cry because Gus and Hazel had sex and Gus and Hazel went to Amsterdam and just so awesome and the Gus died, yeah, he died, what a bummer, right? And Isaac’s eulogy is just so fucking heartbreaking. And Gus’s letter is just so fucking so fucking good I cried for hours.
Me: Yeah! Here’s the book! Enjoy!
4. The I-Will-Scare-You-To-Death- Type
Friend: Can I borrow it?
Friend: Thanks xoxo
Me: Welcome! Don’t ruin my book, okay? My boss’s friend’s uncle gave it to me before he was murdered. And I promised to him that I will never let anyone borrow it because of reasons. But you’re my friend, so maybe he will not mind. I talk to him every single day, btw. Oh, he’s right there. Touching your shoulders. Have fun, okay?
5. The-I-Will-Let-You-Die-Of-Guilt type
Friend: Can I?
Me: No probs, actually, it was a gift from Hermes, you know Hermes, right? This book is so close to my heart. So fucking close. And Hermes, he stole it from Hades for my birthday. I’m still so fucking touch and can’t believe it. *sobs* but, you know what, Hermes, *sobs* died *hiccups* because *wipes tears* of this book. So, please, for the love of fucking Hades, don’t you dare *sobs uncontrollably* ruin this book, you heaaaaaaaaar me?
6. The Overly-Strict-You-Will-Never-Even-Touch-My-Book-Because-Of-The-Demands type
Friend: Can I borrow it?
Me: Sure, but, you have to pledge first okay ”I’m not going to fucking ruin this book, I swear to angels” SWEAR? DAMN IT. and then you if you’re reading and eating, just put the damn food first okay, I don’t care if you get sick because you did not eat I just don’t want bread crumbs all over the book. And please use gloves; I don’t want you fingerprints all over my book. And don’t ever talk while reading, I don’t want your saliva in my book. AND you HAVE TO return it tomorrow morning at 6 AM ASAP. And please, for the love of god, if you must, don’t touch it or I will die because of it.
Friend: *flips table and stalks out of the room*
What type are you, guys? I hate to admit it but I’m actually the spoiler-y type of person when someone wants to borrow my books. I just..don’t want that person to read one of my favorite books, that’s why I spoil it for them. And I’m also #2, Whenever I’m in lost of reasons, I always say that my cousin borrowed it yada yada yada. Yes, I’m really selfish when it comes to my books because they are my babies!
So, basically, this is me if you are not really a book lover and just want to read this particular book because it is so fucking popular and you want to borrow it, well.
I’m so sorry if I’m really selfish and greedy, but that’s the way I am. But if a book blogger or someone I really know (a reader in particular) wants to borrow my books, I will absolutely say YES! Because I know that they will take care of them like they are also their babies.
Anyway, enlighten me up! I want to know what type are you?